David Letterman Won’t Be Intimidated By A Little Thing Like Extortion

Three weeks ago, David Letterman received a package telling him to fork over $2 million lest his “creepy” bedroom secrets be revealed. Letterman was like “No,” and immediately alerted the DA’s office, who were able to identify his would-be blackmailer at 48 Hours employee, Robert Halderman, who is dating Dave’s assistant, Stephanie Birkitt. Dave and Stephanie reportedly had an affair before he married (he was with the mother of his child for many years prior to tying the knot, though), which he says has ended. So. What’s creepy about that? Please tell me Dave made Stephanie wear an Oprah mask while applying clothespins to his nipples.